Open Letters: To all who've made it memorable...

Dear Train Lady/Creature:

Thank you for enlightening us on the hospitality of Baku-Tbilisi train system. Refusing to let us pass on the sheets, throwing our bags around, harrassing my boyfriend, and baggering us long into the night was very enlightening. To return the favor, I hope you fall on your next cigarette break... Which is probably in 5 minutes.

Certainly not wishing you well,
The Foreigners


Dear Iranian Exhile:

We think you're fantastic and we wish you all the best. We hope your father gets out of prison, that your mother's heart changes, that your wife escapes the brainwashing of her family, that you find amnesty in a country that provides you with both freedom of religion and freedom to study fashion. It was a pleasure to meet you and you have certainly given us much to think about. Good luck in everything you do!

You're friends,
Kortney and Jeremy


Dear Jenni Cook:

You are so great for letting us stay at your place. Thanks a whole heap for being an awesome hostest. We loved spending time with you, Marina and the kids and we hope that we gave both of you a little time to yourselves (by occupying the little ones) rather than turn your house upside down. And thanks again for the wonderful Georgian dinner! You have certainly enriched our Caucus experience!

Much love,
Kortney and Jeremy


Dear Baku Groper:

I may not know who you are but God does. If you truly believe in Islam, then you should know your crime will not go unpunished. I hope those other people in the train shamed you to pieces. I hope that you lose your hand in a tragic train accident and that you NEVER even contemplating touching another woman EVER again! If those police men hadn't been outside that door, if Jeremy hadn't been pulling me out, I would have removed your balls from your body. You got off easy with just a few swear words. If I ever see you again, I won't hesitate to finish what I started.

Beware.


Dear Katuna's Homestay:

Thank you so much for putting us up so many nights and sharing your bedroom with us (okay, half a bedroom). But your daughter was weird. Why wouldn't she talk to us and why would she always scowl at us in the morning? She needs to work on that.

Sincerely,
The Backpackers who Practically Lived in your House


Dear Woman who says No:

Why such unpleasantness? All we did was smile and wave and you shook your head no... Has Kyrgyzstan really been that bad to you? Why you do that? Huh? Why? Why you so angry?

Sincerely,
The Ponderous