I'm thinking about heaven and hell and why people--human people--believe they have the right to tell anyone else where they will end up. It really pisses me off when people do this because it's such a primitive power-play where the accuser invokes some divine right to determine the eternal outcome of another person. It's abusive. It's wrong. It's bigoted. And I can hardly manage even a shred of respect for people who do this. In fact, I've cut relations with several people over the last year who've made those sort of accusations (whether at me or anyone else) because I honestly believe that kind of person has too little decency to be considered my friend.
A lot of that stems from my experience over the past two + years. Yeah, I'm a Christian and I'm living with my Jewish boyfriend--so what? It shouldn't be an issue but it is for some people. Some people think so highly of themselves that they have told me I'm going to hell. Well! In a sense they were right because those sort of comments have made the couple years for me a living hell in which them and their fellow minions ruled.
That same kind of thing happened to someone else this week when a boy named Tyler Clementi committed suicide.
Tyler was a quite but promising student at Rutger's University in NY who had a secret: he was gay. One night, he asked his roommate to leave him their room for the evening and while his roommate was out, he invited another boy in where they shared some intimacy. Unbeknownst to him, his roommate was in another room on the floor collaborating with a girl and together they accessed a webcam in Tyler's dorm room, broadcasting over the internet Tyler's sexual encounter.
Three days later, Tyler left his belongings on the side of the road and jumped from the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson, and never returned.
The two who made the broadcast have since been charged with invasion of privacy which carries a penalty of up to 5 years in prison. I say that's not enough. They didn't just invade Tyler's privacy, they bullied him and then they buried him. They made his life such a living hell that he didn't think he could stand it anymore. I bet he was feeling completely isolated, made a fool, ashamed and violated. I bet what he felt was not much different that what I felt when those assholes told me I was going to hell.
Invasion of privacy? How about criminally hateful because that's exactly what it was. It was a hate crime.
I'm really tired of hearing stories like this--stories of people so beat down by religious or otherwise bullies who suppose some position of power over others. I'm tired of hearing stories of suicide because people felt isolated and stories of depression, stress or anxiety because someone told them they were going to hell. I feel downright pissed off. I feel so enraged because things like this happen and the only justice offered to people like Tyler is a piddly privacy invasion charge! It's not right! And maybe it's wrong or hypocritical of me to say this but if you feel the same way--100% infuriated that this has be allowed--then why aren't you doing something? Why aren't more people speaking up and fighting on the behalf of others? Why aren't more people going to the polls with their vote? Why aren't more people writing their senators and congressmen/women? Why aren't we banding together for freedom to choose who you love? Why are we letting this hell continue?
A few people stood up for me in the last year. Just a few. But you know what? Those few felt like a million because when you're in a corner and it's just you or just you and your partner against the world, an extra set of hands and an extra voice might be just enough help to withstand it all.
I don't know how I made it through it. I don't know how Jeremy made it through it. But I do know that we did. And it's better.
Today I was talking with a wise old friend and I realized that I'm not hurting any more. I'm not dying inside when those words haunt me. I don't crumble and cower when I face my accusers. In fact, it's the opposite--they give me power. I don't know if it'll happen everyday but today, at least, I am empowered by other people's hate and I'm going to do something good with it.
I'm going to speak up for people like Tyler and say it it loud and proud, "Gay people deserve decency, privacy and human value too! And the sooner you find an appreciation for that kind of innocent love, the more lives you can save!".
I'm going to say it right here and now for myself: "If you don't agree with my life choices, either shut the hell up (literally) or go home--I don't have time for your childish games."
And I'm going to promise you that if you're going through something hard--be it your sexuality, your religion, your family or your health--it get's better and you'll get through it! And when you do, you'll feel empowered too.
For more hope and words of encouragement from people who survived, check out Dan Savage's video blog: It Gets Better on You Tube.
2 comments:
I'd heard about that story you highlighted, but I wasn't aware of the outcome. Invasion of privacy seems like a slap on the wrist for what that couple did. It wasn't just an invasion of privacy. It was internet bullying that led to a suicide. It was, as you put it, a hate crime.
PS. I think religious people like the ones you referred to should take heed of C.S. Lewis' words spoken through Aslan: That is her story, not yours.
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