Yesterday was awful. I can't tell you how hurtful it is to feel hated for loving someone. There are people out there who have quite literally said to me that my decision to love Jeremy and pursue a life with him is simultaneously a decsion to reject God and choose hell as my eternal destination. Yesterday I got one of those letters from an old friend and it gashed my heart. People are cruel and incompassionate. Life isn't easy and nothing is ever simple, but our love is a joy and a miracle. I wish more of my friends would celebrate that fact instead of accuse me of things they know nothing of.
He ended his letter by warning me that should I not heed his words and leave Jeremy immediately, then I would no longer be considered part of the Christian community. Well, I don't really want to be a participant in that kind of community. I do not believe any man has the authority to make those decisions of who belongs and who does not. Kick me out of the church if you want but you can never take away the Holy Communion in my heart. So I responded with a simple letter: "I will not argue with you and I'm sorry it has come to this. Good luck in all your work... Please do not contact me again. -Kortney"
That's it. That's all that's left of me. I'm done crying over these people because I know that if you are convinced I am going to hell in hand basket, well, I can't convince you otherwise and I just don't have the time or the patience to try. So if that's you, please just don't contact me anymore. I'm no longer allowing people who say things like this to stay in my life. I'm choosing to surround myself with people who care about me and my happiness.
But let me give a big warm thank you to those of you who care, who understand and have celebrated my love with me. Thank you Tiffany for your words of encourage yesterday because I know they were heartfelt and they made me smile. Thank you Ruh for not judging but standing with me and being a friend who always sees the good in life. Thank you Mom, Grandma, Aunt Debra and Aunt Karen for being constant supporters who are happy about our future together. Thank you Michelle, Crystal, Mindy, Meghan, Shellie, and Amanda for seeing through the "faithy-ness" of our peers and being people of real compassion. I know there are other out there who don't comment but do read and do care--thanks to you too. And thank you Jeremy for being my unshakeable partner in everything--I have been a rotten girlfriend at times because of all the stress these people have caused me but you've weathered it all like a tall and sturdy oak. I know we can do anything and I will never give up on you.
4 comments:
Oh Kort I am so sorry that your feelings have been hurt! You were so open and honest on your blog, it surprises me that some folks press their agendas like they have.
I still feel like I can ask you all sorts of deep spiritual questions because I really respect your intellegence, too. Nothin' but love, friend! :)
Hugs to you -
I think as we grow older and more experienced we become more and more settled into who we really meant to be. Our values do not change, but become more refined.
Your very good and strong value of being kind and non-judgemental is actually growing deeper through this hurtful time. So be strong!
And try to not feel so badly about another (negative) person's choice to be unsupportive. As time goes by, the only people I want around me are the supportive ones who do NOT judge me harshly, but allow me to be the best me that I am in the process of becoming.
Thanks, girls! Your words are more precious to me than those friendships ever were. I'm so glad I have at least some real friends who genuinely care about me. :)
You're right, WW about our values becoming more refines. I guess I just need to find more people moving in the same direction as me.
I don't feel too bad about telling this guy not to contact me anymore because I really don't want that kind of person in my life. This whole thing has stressed me out to such a level that it has physically hurt me. I really just want to move on and live a happier, healthier life. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to really get past the hurt yet but I'm hopeful that when the time comes and I am past it, that I really will be a better person and a better friend to those around me.
Ugh. Fume. Fizzle. It sounds like the unsupportive ones are also the ones who can't READ- you've been more than clear on this issue, outspoken and eloquent.
And what kind of effect do they think they're having on Jeremy's disposition toward Christianity by so vibrantly displaying their version of it for him? According to them, he is the reason you'll go to Hell. RAD.
I hope Jeremy knows that not every Christian believes that, and I hope you know how brilliant and true I think you are, and how much I KNOW God honors your faithfulness to what you believe is right. Some people's kids think they're the only ones communing with the holy spirit these days. Good grief.
This was a beautiful sentence, by the way: "Kick me out of the church if you want but you can never take away the Holy Communion in my heart." Yes and amen.
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