Open Letters

Dear Reader,
Thank you so much for reading my blog. If I had a penny for every word or thought I've wasted in this Blogger black hole, I'm pretty sure I'd be a millionaire several times over by now. But unfortunately, aspiring writers like myself don't get paid money to blog. We get paid in comments. So help a friend out. Put in your two cents by clicking "comments" at the end of this post. (That was a good pun, eh? You should definitely go comment now.)
Much Obliged,
Twenty-First Century Nomad

Dear Cupid,
Okay, buddy. You got me once and you got me good. You can stop pelting me with your love-drenched arrows now. :)
Blissfully Bruised,
Twitterpated

Dear Peace Corps,
Why didn't you clear me and accept me back in August when I really wanted it? Now things are complicated and I'm not sure I really want to go anymore. I know I accepted your invite, but don't be surprised if I eventually reject it. Twenty-seven months is a long commitment and if you add on the year I've already spent here in Korea, that makes nearly three and a half years overseas... Now, three years isn't too bad, but to spend all that time teaching... I'm not sure I'm okay with that... Stay tuned, okay? Things are likely to change...
Your's Truly,
Hesitantly Committed

Dear Jack Frost,
I'm glad you received my last letter and have accommodated my requests to relocate, but I'm hearing reports that you have relocated to the PNW? Is that true? Really, Jack, someone should give you a map! The northern hemisphere is moving into summer; the southern hemisphere is moving into winter. You're really confusing people up there. They can't have 80 and 36 degree weather in the same week... It's not good for the tulips, you know... 6 inches... Really... That's just showing off...
Sincerely,
Native Northwest-er

Dear Laptop,
Hang in there. Brain surgery is never comforting but I assure you I've found you a really good surgeon and I promise to visit you real soon. I'm sure you'll make a quick recovery too.
Love,
The One Who Tickles Your Keys

Dear Little Niece-in-Stacy's-Belly,
I can't wait to meet you. I hear so much about you these days and you're not even here yet! I hear you like to kick a lot and are growing real fast. Take it easy, okay? There's no big rush. In the meantime, consider a few little pearls of wisdom. 1. Carrots and ketchup don't taste good together. 2. Barbie underwent lots of plastic surgery to look the way she does. 3. You can never have too many shoes. 4. Try not to procrastinate on Sundays because you'll regret it when there's no time to do your homework Monday morning. 5. Baking cocoa doesn't work for hot chocolate.
Anxiously Awaiting your Arrival,
Aunt Kortney

Dear Landlord,
It's been nice having a swimming pool in my bathroom but I'm starting to miss dry floors. Do you think you can do something about my plugged drain? I consider myself a chopstick master but not even my superhero chopstick skills can unclog it. I think it's going to require something more... Possibly some tools... Maybe a special drain solution... But seeing how I don't read Korean very well, I'm not sure which one to buy... I'm hoping you can take care of this issue. Especially since I pay you $30 a month to the place running. Thanks.
Regretfully,
She Who Hates Korean Apartments
PS: I think I have a gas leak too... My bill has been unreasonably high...

Dear Construction Workers Outside my Window,
I realize that you need to make a living somehow, but may I suggest that you start making it after 8 a.m.? I'm really tired of waking up at 6 a.m. to hammers, clanging metal pipes dropped from more than 20 feet, jig saws, shouting in Hangul, and all those large trucks driving up and down my street. I'm also not a big fan of construction workers peeking into my window as I try to dress in the morning. Have some respect, please.
Regretfully,
Trying to Sleep in